| MY VISIT TO ORLANDO : ) |
[24 Jul 2005|09:09am] |
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Monday and Tuesday was awesome!!(minus car rides w/ my dad).ok so my dad thinks he's sherlock holmes because he can look into recently visited sites and find my "oh so secretive", livejournal....oh and, dad if u are reading this now, get a life and stop reading my lj, seriously its kinda pathetic. u should work on trying to be a better person rather than snooping on ur 16 yr old daughter, u have more important things to do,like, hmmmm, patching things up w/ ur wife so u dont have to sleep in my room! ok anyways, im just venting now.....my dad almost ruined my visit to orlando, but i ended up having a FABULOUS time anyway. It was almost perfect......ALY!!!!WHY DIDNT U HAVE A RIDE!!!!im so bummed bout that i didnt see aly, which was my initial reason for going to orlando before i heard that saaya had gotten back form japan.(and dad for the last time, i did NOT deliberately deceive u, despite whatever your insane and irrational mind thinks).
THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY VISIT:
1) when visiting your frinds in orlando, dont tell your father, he will do everything in is power to ruin it for u.
2) set plans before arriving, and make sure everyone has RIDES!
3) you can have an awesome time with your friends, even if u are doing things such as, sitting at panera bread and barnes and noble for hrs, and wandering through supermarkets jumping rope and whatnot...
4)trains are NEVER on time, never have been and never will be. some come sooner than otheres (1 1/2 hrs late) some later (3 hrs late).
5)japanese babies come out red. except for ones named SAAYA lol.
6)weird people that sit next to u on the train and are drinking WILL use your lap to boost themselves up, beleive me, i know!
7) no matter how shitty u feel bc of your crazy dad, your friends can always make u feel the complete opposite in HAPPINESS :D
8) I LOVE MY FRIENDS LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE!!!--dunno where i heard that, but im gonna say it bc it be true :D
this concludes my little entry, i u have read any of the above, do me a favor and post a comment, it just might make my day, u never know....
<3--NATALIE
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[19 Jul 2005|02:20pm] |
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Today i found out that i am going to orlando tomorrow. Im going down on a train. Im very excited, i cant wait. Im only going to be there til tuesday, but still im happy im going. Im especially excited bc i get to see ALY who i havnt seen in 6 months since he moved to Alabama (have a lot to catch up on). I also get to see ma BOO, SAAYA...who i havnt seen since the last day of school. She just got back from Japan. I miss everyone soooo much : ). Im so glad im going down. so yay, im happy! ive missed everyone sooooo much! cant wait to see everyone!
~NATALIE
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[01 Jun 2005|09:26am] |
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Well yesterday I went job hunting....Barnes and Noble was extremely snobbing and coldly said "we are not hiring right now"....fine barnes and noble i didnt wanna work for u anyways :P....so i went to target and was practically hired(i was asked tocome back today for a more formal interview but im not going to) then i went to Steak and Shake and was hired on the spot....i start tomorrow :). im doing drive thru the first couple weeks til i get familiar w/ the menu then im waitressing. so im a lil excited about that. Im going to make $.25 more an hr than at panera while im at drive thru then im gonna be making 3 something an hr while waitressing plus tips. so im excited about that.
I watched donnie darko last noght....still thinking about that movie, very deeep, ill have to watch it again before i fully understand everything. thats about all i have to update for now...
~natalie
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[29 May 2005|04:43pm] |
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ok so the threatening of sending me to st.augustine from my dad and stepmom has finally been put into effect. now, as i type this, i am in st.aug. I had to basically quit my job of only 3 weeks that i loved, drop everything planned for summer, leave my friends, and come here. im trying to be as positive as i can right now, but im only kidding myself. i feel like absolute crap, to put it bluntly. im probably going to be here for the rest of school, which means having to make friends all over again foe like the...i dunno...8th time! ugh, i hate my current situation like u couldnt believe :(. living here means ill rarely see my friends in orlando, never dance again, hav to share a room, and be miserable. and the worst part is i have no one to blame but myself. i wish i had someone to just say "its all there fault", but that person is me, and thats not any comfort, just even more sad. im going to try to make the most of this summer and hope and pray i manage to find myself in orlando for junior year....i hav to be here for a reason, something is here for me and that my positive outlook right now...i just gotta find what that thing is....
im looking for a job here, im thinking of applying to barnes and noble, but there really isnt much here...i went to the CPS fair last night w/ my 2 sisters and mu older sis's boyfriend. i hada good time, but i kept thinking how much i wished iwas w/ my friends. dont get me wrong, i love my sisters, but sometimes u just wanna be w/ frineds and i did last night. i dont know anyone here anymore, no one ive talked to since 7th grade. oh well ill survive, it just really, extremely sucks now....
~natalie
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[06 May 2005|10:23pm] |
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got a job at panera last sunday--my very first job :> yay. i hav orientation tomorrow for like 3 hours, im excited....other than that life's....just been...life. yup thats it.
~nat
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[29 Apr 2005|07:50am] |
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I found out last night that I'm going to Houston today w/ my dad. I'm just gonna be there til tomorrow morning/afternoon, so its nothing too exciting. I guess I'm just happy to go someplace different for a change. It'll probably just be hanging out in the airport and then goin to a hotel, but thats fun I guess. I like to watch people in airports, I find it entertaining.
This past week felt long w/ all the rehearsals, I'm glad we have a 3 day weekend :). I'm having problems w/ parents lately--all 3 of them lol. I can't seem to make anyone understand me, heck I don't even understand myself half the time. My mom's upset that I havn't been dancing, and my dad and stepmom just won't trust me anymore. I just wanna get away--but thats not going to happen til I'm at least 18--2 more yrs...sigh....there's just so much going on w/ me and yet nothing at all, it doesn't make any sense. I just don't know anymore....I don't mean to get all melancholy, but it's just waht I've been thinking lately. Hmmm, don't know why I even bother to write in here--no one seems to read or comment to these entries anymore. But that's ok...
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[23 Apr 2005|03:30pm] |
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havnt updated here for awhile...mostly bc i havnt been allowed to go online that much since the cops called my house from a party that i snuck out for...yah, stupidity :/....but anyways not much has been going on other than a constant battle between me and my parents, just when something starts going ok and the smoke begins to clear over the fields...BAM!--im ambushed something else. but w/e healing takes time i guess, but-"lets not talk about bombs and the great impulses of severed limbs". Last night was pretty fun. I hung out w/ jackie which i havnt done for a very long time. I went to school for some student-directed play thingy w/ her and michelle and then went to Dp elementary's carnival thing. It was surprisingly fun. i felt like i was 10 again lol. we went on the swings and hung upside-down on those bar thingys--i hav grown a bit since the last time i did that, which i discovered when i tried to flip off them only to kick myself in the face w/ sand in the process lol-- i was also made fun of by a little brat just like my old days of elementary school...i just walked away, altho i was tempted to tell her off, lil brat :(. then we went to get ice cream at twistee treats....i went off my no sugar diet..oops....it was nice to hav "good ol' wholesome fun" for a change :D....
~natalie
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[03 Apr 2005|10:39pm] |
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I hate day light savings...this morning I was so proud of myself when I looked at the clock and saw that I had woken up at 9:30 (early for me on a weekend), but then I go out of my room only to discover that we lost an hour and that it was actually 10:30. I was like damn, the one time I wake up kinda early is when its day light savings...I just can't win lol. Anyways...I didn't do much of anything today, I was pretty much a bum. Took my little sister back to st.augustine, gonna miss her :(. Came home and ate and then tried using the sewing machine I got for christmas and hadn't even touched yet. I'm adding detail to a plain shirt w/ different fabrics, if it comes out how I see it in my head it will be a pretty tight shirt. I'm an amateur to the whole DIY stuff, so we'll see how it goes. I'll post a pic if it comes out half way decent :). and....thats....it.....
~natalie
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[02 Apr 2005|11:08pm] |
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Today was good... I went to Festival Bay to hang out w/ Saaya and Scot...very cute together :)...and see a movie. We saw "hitch" even tho I had already seen it but there was nothing else good playing...still a good movie seeing it again. It was nice to finally be able to go out somewhere w/ people, I feel like I've been in a cave o somethin these past few weeks lol.
Tomorrows sunday, so happy juat to be able to sleep in :D....i love sleep. Then im gonna go to the pool to try to get some, any, color on me....prob red/pink with my paleness lol. ok thats it i guess....yup it is.
~nat-a-rat
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[31 Mar 2005|10:11pm] |
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Here are pics from universal and disney w/ my little sister bc Im bored and i've never been able to post pics until today, i never got it til now....im so proud of myself lol.
~natrat
ps:HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my DADDY!...40 woohooo...
( I finally figured this out!! )
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[31 Mar 2005|08:34pm] |
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ok well m back in orlando and all since spring break and already been through a week of school since my last update. ummm not much really goin on. a couple of my friends are now happily in relationships....which actually just reminds me of how pathetic i am and how i wish i had a bf :(...oh wells, i just gotta look on the bright side......hmmmm
my parents are trusting me more and its great. theyre outta town til tomorrw and im here w/ my lil sis...and im very proud of myself for not doing any stupid crap. it feels goood to do the right thing for a change :).
ok i guess thats all for now...
~Natalie
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[21 Mar 2005|04:28pm] |
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Ok so yesterday I spent an exhausting day at universal and IOA...we stayed until the park closed...didn't even get to St.Augustine until 2AM...I slept until 12:30 today to recooperate. But me and my family had a good time, so it was worth it. We havn't done something as a family in a long time so it was nice. Got a picture w/Shrek and that just topped it all off...maybe I'll post it later if I can figure it out. I'm here until Easter, seems like a long time to be away from friends and all but I guess maybe I need a break to sort things out. Ok thats about it for now.
~natalie
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[20 Mar 2005|09:58am] |
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Went to Disney yesterday with my little sister and mom that are visiting form st.Augustine. We went to Epcot and Magic Kingdom. It was pretty fun bc we rode on all the rides that I havn't done since I was lik e10 (dumbo, small world, etc.). Today we're going to Universl but I'm still pooped from yesterday...wanna sleep but it'll be fun anyways.
My older sister got home form Paris last night. She has soo many pictures and it all looked so amazing, wish I could have gone...*slap myself* how could I be soo stupid...anyways I'm gonna try not to think about that right now or I'll just get upset, there willl be oher trips to Paris....
Well I guess I'm gonna get ready to go to Universal now, and then I'm gonna be in St.Augustine for the rest of spring break....toodles
~natalie
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[17 Mar 2005|07:22pm] |
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haven't updated in this thing in ages so i thought i would.
life = swell
tomorrow = the begining of the drive to NYC
NYC = LOVE
hehe yeah other than that life really has been going well. thought I'd share. = )
<3ru
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[14 Mar 2005|10:46pm] |
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Trying to post pics for the first time....lemme see if i did it right, prob not but here goes nutting. This is my sis in paris, that i would be w/ right now.....
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[11 Mar 2005|11:00pm] |
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I've really been thinking a lot about what's been happening in my life these past few weeks. It's all been so crazy...and stupid. I still cannot believe all of the mindless things I did. My parents magically found out that I lied this week...they always do, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now. The first time they trust me to go somewhere since my "incident" and I screw up all over again...I just can't understand why I do the things I do, and they don't believe me that I'm really trying to do better and make things right again. They say I have to move back to St. Augustine in May once school is over, and they have every reason to want to send me back, heck I'd prob do the same if I was in their position.....I just wish sooo much that they could see how much I regret what I've done and recognize/acknowlege my attempts to do better, I just can't make them understand despite my many efforts, they just think that I'm putting on an act and that I don't mean anything that I say. I just wish they would give me another chance before givig up on me and sending me away. I wish I could just rewind and take everyhting back...Do they really think that dumping me back on my mom w/ the same problems is really going to solve anything???!!! If anything it's only going to make my life even worse leaving behind the life I've established here with my dancing and friends and everyhting. Wow...I can't believe I'm going to change schools again, all I wanted was to just stay at the same high school all four years. Well I guess I've really done it this time....damn I hate being the new kid....I'm gonna miss all my friends....wow my life sucks, I swear I have never had friends that lasted more then 2 years before I had to move again and star ALL over, I was hoping high school would be different....shame on me for for being so blind and not thinking of how detrimental the results of my behavior was going to be. I don't even recognize myself anymore, I've let everyone down that ever cared....even myself. I don't know what happened to the me that had such big dreams...I swore that I would never let this happen, I was going to be different, this just proves how pathetic I am to fall into such obvious traps without even thinking "wow, this might hurt me....".
My older sister is on a plane right now, as I am typing this, to Paris. I'd be with her right now if I hadn't been so foolish. Lets analyze the damage:a couple crazy weekends of nausea, chaos, confusion, and regrets in exchange for a week in Paris w/ my sister, my own room and bathroom, my friends, my school, my ballet training at Orlando Ballet, everything I've worked for, my LIFE! Hmmm seems to me that I was ripped off because of my own ignorance. Wow, I'm so ashamed...and I can't ask why anymore, WHY did I screw up, WHY was I so stupid....I have to ask how, HOW do I right this wrong, HOW do I gain trust back, HOW can I stay here, and is that even possible anymore...Im not getting my hopes up, I'm banking on me going back to live in St. Augustine. I just wish that my parents would realize that me transferring schools AGAIN is by far more traumatizing than me staying in my present environment and making adjustments wherever neccessary to get back on track.
Trust is a tricky thing, once you lose it you may never get it back again, and I fear that that is my situation. I guess I'll wrap it up here, sorry for rambling on. If anyone actually read this thanks lol.....Hope for the best but expect the worst.....
~Natalie
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[09 Mar 2005|09:46pm] |
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Haven't updated in awhile, I'm pretty much off restrictions now...thank god. There's probably nothing I can't stand more than being grounded....such a pain. Trying to think of whats been going on since I last updated, hmmmm...today was stressful until afterschool when I could chill. In algII fucking Guarrino said he's gonna call me and saayas parents bc of our grades...w/e hes an ass. Speaking of asses, Ms.Follensbee made me miss my entire lunch so she could lecture me on how I'm on my second probation from the magnet and need to appeal ad all this crap which I'm not gonna do bc I'm so done w/ the magnet and it's bullshit. After school was better minus having to go to VPA Recital, went to harrisons w/ saaya and met up w/ tim and amanda there...goooodtimes ;). It's nice to finally be able to do shit now.
Hopefully this weekend I can hopefully hang out w/ Ruwani and Jackie. I feel like I haven't talked to you in soo long Ruwani!...I miss you :).
Ok well thats's all for now...
~Natalie
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| GROUNDED......it really really sucks |
[26 Feb 2005|12:29pm] |
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..........people reading? lol...zzz |
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ive pretty much lost all trust form my parents, yah they kinda found out. so im grounded for about three weeks......maybe longer?imin st.augustine right now kinda sneaking online at my moms library, god knows when ill have the chance to come on again. wow, WHAT WAS I THINKING last weekend..... gosh,idiot(napoleo dinamite tome lol), now theyll go outta toen again or theyll make me come to st. aug like they did this weekend so not fair....actually i deserve this i guess. at least this is forcing my to actually do my incredibly overwhelming research paper that ive been putting off for so long...yes saaya i am doing it, arent ya pround. mmmmmmk i guess thats about it... oh yah in addition to be grounded, no Paris in march for a week w/ my sister.......i hate parents they just do not understand ANYTHING! oh yah and i have strepthroat so even god is punishing me for all this crap w/ disease. ill be back in school on monday.....i hate not being able to swallow anything, not exactly comfortable by any means. oh and my mom dyed my hair bc the lady Dianna i go to here didnt work this weekend and i couldnt wait any longer.......i guess it looks alright, better than how it was befrore....i hate roots. ok back to the fasinating life of jane austen....zzzzzzz....
~natrat
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[19 Feb 2005|10:33am] |
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spent quality time with canna banna last night
around 6-ish
EVERYONE WAS AT HOME!
i love the feeling of thinking to yourself, and just tripping out
listening to music by yourself
knowing your the only one that knows
sleeping early
waking up early
spoke to todd this morning about all kinds of things,
we both did the same thing last night and woke up early today.
haha hes a good kid.
i think we may hang out soon, it's been too long since we got stoned together.
tonight is gonna be just chilling at my house
tomorrow im hanging out with sean...i think
monday i will hopefully have something left over and just be by myself or maybe nats gonna come over? im not sure. we haven't hung out in forever!
i'll update more later
<3 ru
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[19 Feb 2005|09:57am] |
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Ahhh man had a fucking awesome night! First of all my parents are outta town til monday so im home alone!! sooo sweeet!! I got home from school yesterday kinda bummed because I had wanted to go to the aste of Chaos w/ my friend Vicky, butI didn't hava ride so I was like shit I cant go. Then I was talking to Kam and he was like yah I we can give you a ride. So at like 4:30 Kam, Kria, Angel, and Matt picked me up and we were off! Get downtown buy tickcets off some people fora cheaper price, get in and wait forit to start. It was so cold inthe beginning but then once I was in the crowd I was like holy fuck get this jacket off me. Saw lots of peope there, had a crazy time in the crowd. At one point during the Used I actually went into the fucking circle and was thrashing around until these 3 huge football player sized guys shove into me and the next thing I knew I was falling backwards landing on my neck and heard this huge crack in my spine. At first I was like holy shit I fucking craced my spinal cord and im paralyzed!! some people like whoa are u ok and were pulling me up and then when I stood up and was walking I was like thank god I can walk. My back still hurts like fuck still so Im thinking I might wanna get it looked ot....it was definitely a bad cracking sound on my upper back and neck.
Once the show was over we all get in the car and decide to crash at my place because my parents are gone. Get to my apartment at like 1:30 and everyone starts messing w/ mypoor dog Molly who was like "who the fuck are these people"....good thing dogs cant talk or shed rat me out the lil bitch lol. So we just chilled for awhile eating, molesting my dog, and whatnot....fell asleep on the couches at like 4:00 i think. Woke this morning and they all left a lil bit ago to get some McDonalds, while I took a shower to wash all the nast shit off me from that show. I inhaled so much dirt, smoke, and sweat it isn't even funny., but ifeel better now minus my weird back pain. I have i scrape on my elbow and to weird bruises on my arm that i dont even remember feeling lol. well hats it and tonight I think im going to a party ...but not too worry i will NOT get drunk, i promise.
~Natalie
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